“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
This phrase alone makes me want to donate all my frying pans and saucepans to a refugee aid center tomorrow. What can I do? A sweaty woman instantly appears before my eyes, her entire bulk pressed against a flatbread of yeast dough. (The poor flatbread has no idea that it is destined to create a strategic route between the woman and her beloved’s digestive system.)
Why is this not true?
We’re happy to feed our men well ourselves. We’re ready to spam the entire internet with the vital question, “What’s the best way to marinate onions for herring?” We can return home from work with a fresh 5-kilogram chicken stuffed into our purse. Heck, we’re happy to destroy a gorgeous manicure with a grater in five minutes and cry over two high school romances while slicing a spicy onion.
But how unbearably sickening it is to think of yourself as a woman who won over your beloved with a hearty borscht with dumplings. Not with an enigmatic gaze, not with an interesting interpretation of Kusturica’s cinematic style, not with rare kindness or a sense of humor… And not even with a firm butt. But with classic tomato soup, which even your 80-year-old grandmother can handle brilliantly! By the way, based on this logic, why is she still strolling through the park with Tamara Mikhailovna, who is deaf in one ear, and not with Ashton Kutcher, for example?
“All men cheat”
Oh, that great phrase of consolation, the one that frees men and shuts women. How many times has it been uttered by half-drunk, numb from tears and sleeplessness, devoted young ladies? Those who yesterday considered themselves femme fatales in the style of Natalia Goncharova, and today are forced to mutter endless nonsense in their best friend’s ear, like a prime-time commercial: “She threw herself at him,” “Any man wouldn’t have been able to handle it,” “He still loves me,” “Once doesn’t count,” “That was when I was drunk.”
Why is this not true?
Not everyone cheats. Not always. And not everyone.
Fidelity, like infidelity, has hundreds of reasons. For some, the words “cheating” and “betrayal” are synonymous. For others, five years in a student dorm was enough to experience the joys of promiscuity. Some experience a mundane revulsion toward other women’s bodies. Some are simply afraid of being caught with their pants down on a hotel couch. And for others, twice a month with their wife is too much.
All Aries (Cancer/Aquarius/Gemini…) men are womanizers (cheaters/jealous/miserly)
Why is this not true?
It’s unbelievable. It will change the lives of half the regulars on women’s forums. But it’s time to reveal the sensational truth: all men are different. All Libra men are different. All Libra men born in 1982 are different.
The touching desire of some women to understand the opposite sex through free interpretations of astrology is certainly understandable. But wouldn’t it be easier to understand the man you love the traditional way: by communicating with him, observing, analyzing, and feeling?
The typical man drinks beer with roach every evening, wears baggy sweatpants, hates his mother-in-law, cheats on his wife with the neighbor, leaves his socks lying around, snores, spends all weekend fishing, and loves football more than life itself.
Why is this not true?
For the same reason why you’re not an empty-headed doll obsessed with fake bags and gossiping on the phone for hours. You’re not a funny part of the kitchen, designed to serve a man 24/7. You’re not a rapt idiot, chronically plagued by PMS symptoms, stretch marks, and expression lines, hovering around the apartment with a packet of instant pea soup…
